I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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