Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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