Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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