Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize