She is in my trunk
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
