Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize