I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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