Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
