just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
