i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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