i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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