If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
