I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
