Your face is a jimmy john
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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