She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Randomize
