i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
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