5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
