i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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