Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
