uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
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