What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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