cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
