WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
