god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
