We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
