I feel great
I just peed on a car
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
