I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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