you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
