My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Randomize
