Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
did you just send me my own nude
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
