Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
