super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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