no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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