did you get engaged???
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
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