Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
He kissed a someone with a penis
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
