In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
