I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
