So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
