Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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