My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
