What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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