Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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