why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
