woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
