Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Randomize
