the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
