the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
