That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Randomize
