does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Drake has all the answers
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
