Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Randomize