is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
