i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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