There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
