He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
