OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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