So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
