It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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