Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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