My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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