i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
