you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
