So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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