Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
That reminds me...we need to get swords
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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