It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
