Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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