im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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