you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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