She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
