it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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