I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Randomize
