I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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