Umm I'm too high to move.
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
